Q.
Where are the components found in a fine memorial?
IN THE LETTERING. Be sure the lettering is deep and legible without
the use of black paint, which will eventually fade away or streak
the monument.
IN THE CARVING OF THE ORNAMENT. Pay particular
attention to the shape of ornamental leaves or flowers. Are they
crude and shapeless? Careful comparison can distinguish artistry
from crudity. Is the background of the design darker than the
leaf itself? This is an indication of quality craftsmanship involving
several detailed processes.
IN THE FINISHES. Do polished surfaces have a high
deep shine or are they dull and lusterless? Does a deep and dark
polished area or a weak grey polish that is hardly different from
the face border the lettering surface?
SIZE IS NOT A MEASURE OF VALUE. Granite for monumental
purposes of any size from the same area can vary greatly in color,
purity and cost. Furthermore, the craftsmanship on a small monument
can exceed that of a larger one.
|
| Q.
How soon after death should a monument be ordered?
A. Monuments should be ordered at the time of funeral arrangements,
since it requires considerable time to manufacture. The granite
must first be quarried, after which it goes through many processes.
However, the most time consuming element in the erection of a
monument is the building of the foundation. Some cemeteries will
not pour a concrete foundation until nine months after the burial.
Please consult with our Monument Department concerning such questions
and regulations. The winter months prevent the construction of
foundations because concrete cannot be mixed during freezing weather.
If an unveiling is planned for the early spring, arrange to purchase
the monument no later than early November. The foundation can
then be finished during December before the frost sets in. Foundation
construction is usually halted in winter until late March or April
after the ground has thawed. The average time is 2 to 4 months
for the memorial to be in place at the gravesite. |
Q. How soon after death should an unveiling be held?
A. Although it has been the general custom to unveil the monument
around the eleventh month after death, Traditional Jews frequently
have their unveiling any time after Shloshem (30 days) have elapsed.
To accomplish this they purchase their monument immediately after
the Shivah period. At the present time, custom seems to be divided
between the two practices. Unveilings are held during periods that
are most convenient, taking into account the weather, the summer
vacation periods, expected births, weddings, and bar-mitzvahs, so
as not to conflict with these more joyous occasions.
|
Q.
Does Jewish custom permit the visiting of the cemetery before the
erection of a monument?
A. Most rabbis advise that the unveiling should be the first occasion
for visiting the grave. A more liberal opinion expressed by some
rabbis is that extenuating circumstances can exist to warrant visiting
an unmarked grave. It is a custom among Orthodox Jews to seek spiritual
guidance from a visit to the grave of a deceased parent or spouse.
Should such an occasion arise prior to the erection of the monument,
a rabbi may be consulted to gain permission to visit the grave.
This is called "asking a shalah". |
| Back To Top |
Q.
How is an unveiling ceremony conducted?
A. The immediate family should be at the site of the grave before
the others arrive. They can then be sure that the unveiling cloth
covers the monument. This cloth is given to the family when they
receive the unveiling cards from our Monument Department. The family
and friends gather around the grave. The rabbi begins with the recitations
from the book of psalms (Tillem) and then he follows with the eulogy
in English or Yiddish. After this he recites further psalms and
ends with the Kaddish prayer in which the family participates. The
veil is removed immediately before recitation of the Kaddish.
|
Q.
Is it absolutely necessary for a rabbi to officiate at the unveiling?
A. While religious law does not require it, a rabbi is best acquainted
with the ritual of an unveiling and the appropriate prayers. In
choosing a rabbi it is preferable to choose one who was personally
acquainted with the deceased. It would also be wise to choose a
rabbi who practices the same type of Judaism as the family or the
deceased. |
Q.
How soon before the unveiling are notices mailed to family and friends?
A. Cards should be mailed two weeks or ten days before the unveiling.
Unveiling invitation cards along with directions to the cemeteries
are available through our Monument Department. |
Q.
Is it customary to have refreshments at the unveiling?
A. The cemeteries look with extreme disfavor on the custom. Years
ago, cemeteries were difficult to reach and transportation was an
all day affair. It was therefore, an obligation on the part of the
family to see that their friends were fed. At the end of the day
the cemetery had the appearance of unkempt picnic grounds.
Nowadays most people invited to unveilings still
expect something to be served, as if by tradition. Brandy may
be distributed in miniature paper cups with honey cake or sponge
cake cut into small pieces.
Some families prefer to gather at the home of
the nearest kin, after the unveiling, where refreshments are served.
|
Q.
Is a minyon necessary at an unveiling?
A. The family should consult with their rabbi. |
Q.
What is the significance of an unveiling cloth over the monument?
A. In early times it was the family who physically erected the monument
to its loved ones. The monument might have been a pile of boulders
surmounted by a crudely lettered slab of stone bearing the name
of the deceased. All the kin participated and witnessed their completed
handiwork together. In present society it became necessary to delegate
this task to others and dedicate the monument on a day convenient
to family and friends. It is desirable that their tribute to the
deceased's memory be revealed by the removal of the veil or covering,
simultaneously to all, and that its full significance be adequately
interpreted by the rabbi. |
Q.
During what periods are unveilings prohibited?
A. Since unveilings are solemn occasions they are usually not held
when they conflict with the occurrence of a Jewish festival holiday
such as the period of Nissen. They are also not held during the
Rosh Chodesh period, the occurrence of the new moon. While unveilings
are definitely prohibited on high holidays, which usually occur
in September (Elul) they may be held between holidays, before and
after them due to the solemnity of these holidays.
|
Q.
What is a yahrzeit?
A. Following are the rules for Yahrzeit: 
For Traditional Jews it is in the same (Hebrew)
month in which the death occurs.
If death took place the last day of the month (the 30`")
which is Rosh Chodesh, or the first day of the following month
or on leap year (which has 29 days) then the yahrzeit is held
on the 29th day.
If the death occurs in the Hebrew month of Adar on a leap year,
when there are two Adar months, the yahrzeit is kept both times
to avoid confusion.
When the exact day of death is uncertain, one may choose a day
close to what the day seems to be and hold that day as yahrzeit
from then on.
The yahrzeit candle or light should be kindled on the eve of yahrzeit
day (the evening of the day before).
Any member of the family may light the yahrzeit lamp.
|
Q.
If the yahrzeit is overlooked, how can the oversight be remedied?
A. The oversight may be remedied by immediately lighting the Yahrzeit
light and making the proper prayers. (Complimentary Yahrzeit calendars
are always available through our funeral home). |
Q.
When is it best to order a double grave monument or a single grave
monument?
A. If there is a reserve grave adjacent to the burial, a double
monument is preferable. In addition to giving assurance to the survivor
that the reserve burial site will not accidentally be used for another
burial, there is some comfort in the knowledge that it is at the
side of one's lifelong companion.
Other situations where double monuments are used
(subject to the rules and regulations of the Burial Society/Cemetery)
are:
For a mother and daughter
For a father and son
For a mother and son
For two brothers
For two unmarried sisters
The sentiment "united in life-inseparable
forever" is fulfilled in the selection of a double monument.
|
Q.
If a double monument is purchased and the surviving spouse remarries,
may he or she be buried beside the first wife or husband?
A. According to Hebrew custom the first marriage is the significant
one, especially if there were children from this marriage. If a
double stone is erected and the place reserved for the surviving
spouse whose expressed wish is to be buried on the site of their
first wife or husband, the wish must be granted. According to Biblical
precedent Jacob had four wives but was buried next to Leah, his
first wife. |
| Back To Top |
Q.
Why do Jewish monuments bear the Hebrew name of the deceased's father
and not mother?
A. This custom originated in biblical times before the adoption
of family names. At that time when it was not uncommon for a man
to have more than one wife, it established the identity of the father
for heredity purposes and to carry on the lineage. To place the
mother's name on the monument instead, is to imply a question as
to the legitimacy of birth or the identity of the father.
|
Q.
What facts and information should you take with you when purchasing
a monument?
A.
- The
name of the cemetery where it is to be delivered.
- The
name of the congregation or Burial Society that sold you the
grave or a deed to the plot.
-
The correct English name of the deceased.
- The
correct birthday.
- The
day of death and hour of the day.
- The
age (if the birthday is not exact).
- The
relationship to the family (Example: should a monument for a
young husband also say "dear son, brother"), even
if purchased solely by the widow.
-
Was the deceased (men only) a Koen, or a Levi or an Israelite.
-
Do you want an emblem such as Masonic, Knights of Pythias or
Holocaust Survivor on the monument? A caduceus for a doctor.
-
The deceased Hebrew name (not Yiddish).
- The
deceased father's Hebrew name (usually not the mother's).
-
Any Hebrew name given during life, as during severe illness
and recovery.
-
Do you want some expressive epitaph such as: "Forever in
Our Hearts", "Forever Cherished", "Loved
by All".
Many
families purchase the monument at the time of funeral arrangements
since all the above information is available at that time.
|
Q.
Does the cemetery have the exclusive gardening rights? Can you engage
an outside florist or do the gardening yourself?
A. A cemetery cannot legally prevent you from engaging an outside
florist to do your planting, and/or care of the grave, but there
is little to be gained by this practice. The cemeteries are better
equipped than anyone else to do the planting and annual care. They
know from experience which plants thrive best in their cemetery
and maintain a year-around staff to attend to grave care. Furthermore,
only the cemetery can provide the care allocated by the "Perpetual
Care Trust Fund". |
Q.
What is perpetual care? Is it costly?
A. This is an optional service. Usually the Cemetery provides for
the establishment and maintanance of a Perpetual Care Trust Fund,
closely supervised by the State, wherein lump sums of money are
deposited with the cemetery for perpetual care of graves. This does
away with the annual care charge and assures that the interest on
the original sum deposited will perpetually provide for the care
and maintenance of the grave. The principal is never used up; it
merely becomes part of a large fund. The cemeteries will readily
furnish information on these funds upon request. Please check carefully
with the cemetery as to other costs involved prior to the establishment
of a Perpetual Care Account, initial planting on the grave, re-sodding,
etc.
|
Q.
Is there any significance to the custom of putting a pebble on the
monument when visiting a grave? What is the origin of the custom?
A. According to the Bible the first monuments were merely mounds
of stones or insides of natural rock caves, as was the graves of
Abraham and Sarah. The early Hebrews were nomadic tribes and shepherds
and were not skilled in the arts of quarrying and stone carving
until their contacts with Babylon and Egypt.
It was the custom when passing by a mound of stones
marking a grave to deposit one from the vicinity that may have
fallen off. This became interpreted as a mark of thoughtfulness
and regard for the memory of the person buried. These mounds of
heavy rocks served to guard the graves from predatory animals
and grave robbers.
|
| Back To Top |
Q.
How does one commemorate a yahrzeit in a synagogue?
A. The family should consult with their rabbi. Traditional Jews
would attend the Sabbath service prior to the yahrzeit and perhaps
be called to the Sefer Torah for an Aliyah. On the day of the Yahrzeit,
Kaddish should be said in the synagogue and a Kiddish of liquor
and cake might be ordered for the minyan. |
Q.
What is the meaning of the different symbols used on monuments:
lions, candelabra, Star of David, two hands, water pitcher, etc.?
A. The most frequently used symbol on a monument for a man is the
Star of David. On a monument for a Koen, the symbol of the two hands
with thumbs and forefingers touching, and on a monument of a Levi
the symbols of a pitcher of pouring water are traditional. The lion
is the "Lion of Judah" a symbol of courage, strength and
superiority and carved on the shields and banners of warriors in
battle. They gradually found their way into the temples of worship
and were carved in relief over the cabinet where the Torah was held.
There are emblems of fraternal organizations such as: square and
compass (Masonic emblem), three links (Odd Fellows), shield and
helmet (Knights of Pythias), etc. For the Medical profession the
caduceus, etc.
On a woman's monument the menorah or Sabbath candelabra
is most frequently used. This usually has five lights. The candelabra
of the temple have seven lights and may be used on a family monument
or mausoleum as a symbol of Judaism. The broken tree is a symbol
of departed youth, male or female and is used in various ways
on monuments for young people.
On a child's monument we frequently see the figure
of a lamb or a bird, both symbols of innocence, purity and gentleness.
|
Q.
What are monuments made of?
A. Until hardened steel and carbide steel tools became available
to stone carvers, they used soft materials such as marble, slate
and limestone for monuments. Now, most monuments are made of granites
which come in many colors from quarries of the world.
About ninety-five percent of the monuments sold
in New York City have been made of white (light grey) granites
for the past sixty year's.
During the past decade several colored granites
have become available for monumental use. Canada is the source
of pink granite of fine workable grain. From Wisconsin has come
a ruby red granite that can attain a glistening polish because
of its amazing hardness. New eastern quarries have discovered
granites that rival the famed Carrara marbles in variegated graining.
The light grey granites are most plentiful in
the eastern part of the United States, from Maine to Georgia following
the Allegheny and Adirondack Mountain ranges. Some black granites
come from Pennsylvania, Africa and India.
|
Q.
How should a monument be finished? Rock-hewn, smooth or polished?
A. While some prefer to have the top and sides of a memorial finished
smooth, the majority select the "natural rock" appearance
of the original granite and leave the top and sides rock-hewn.
Granite is quarried in huge blocks about twelve
feet long and four feet square by a combination of techniques
involving blasting and drilling. These blocks are then sent to
the saw plant where they are cut into slabs from six to twelve
inches thick by the use of multiple wire saws. These saws leave
ridges on the face of the granite which are removed by rotating
a heavy flat disk of steel on the surface of the granite with
grinding grit under it. After many revolutions of this heavy,
flat wheel, the ridges wear down and become smooth. To bring a
high gloss to this surface, this process is continued with the
use of felt and putty powder (polishing rouge) under the heavy
rotating disk. The combination of the high speed of the revolving
wheel (disk) pressing down on the surface together with the polishing
agent, brings the granite to an everlasting gloss. Since granite
is largely silica, the main ingredient of glass, the same gloss
is realized.
|
Q.
What causes the discoloration of monuments in the cemetery?
A. Granite is composed of quartz, feldspar, mica and other materials.
There are sometimes also traces of ferrous (iron) metals in oxide
form. When a strata of granite containing ferrous metals is used
for monumental purposes, oxidation occurs and the granite changes
color. White granite with such impurities turns brown or yellow.
Another frequent cause of discoloration is the use of "top
quarry" granite for monuments. When a new area is cleared of
topsoil for quarrying, the top layers of granite have been saturated
with organic and inorganic chemicals contained in the soil immediately
above it. These impurities, which have been absorbed by the top
layers of granite, are called "sap". They are not apparent
in newly manufactured monuments, but exposure to the elements at
the cemetery dissolves them and makes them come to the surface.
Although the supply of granite is inexhaustible, only about twenty
percent is suitable for monumental use.
|
|
Back To Top |
